Changes...

WOW...Only 8 days into 2013 and already changes are happening all over the place. I was actually planning to end this blog today...until I came across a note written by a poly-curious reader...who shared her thoughts and wanted to ask a question. If this simple blog can provide ANY kind of insight into the world of polyamorous relationships, then I am grateful and happy to help.

At this time in my life, I am seriously thinking about a career change...from one that zaps all of my energy and causes me severe depression at times to ...only God knows what ?????  Since I have never been one to shy away from the unknown, dear reader, I am excited and nervous about what lies ahead...but I am still ready to meet it head on!

Therefore, while I am trying to see where my next decision will lead me, please be patient. There may be some missing days or even weeks between blog posts, but please know that I have not gven up on writing about my experiences. This poly-newbie is just taking a little time to see what new and interesting changes await me in...2013...

Thanks for continuing to join me on this journey...

Cindy
Atlanta Polynewbie

Special Touches

Surprinsingly, what I thought would be a weekend filled with unbridled, passionate SEX and a physical connection, turned out to be a little different and yet a little more enlightening...Over the course of three days, I found myself cut-off from the world in the sense of...no media of any kind and limited phone calls...a get away from the every day...so to speak ...with a lover who was as gentle and giving of himself as he was kind...

In a quaint home on a little street in western South Carolina, I found the time to read about and experience just a sampling of sexual massage and enlightened, tantric touching...not that I really knew what it was when I first arrived...in the beginning, I was wanting much more physical passion than I actually got...but boy was my experience surprisingly refreshing and extremely sensual...a heightened spiritual liaison...dear reader.

In my youth and as recently as a couple of months ago, a highly physical orgasm was the pinnacle of pleasure...and my mind and body constantly wanted more of that feeling...but what I didn't realize, dear reader... was that I was relying way too much on someone else to please me...and someone else's orgasmic schedule...and not the one dictated by MY body and mind...

As I continue move into a more accepting place with my more mature sexual self...I realize that much of what I seek lies within my own ability to explore and to understand the ever-changing needs of the total me...so I have undertaken the journey into self-touch...

For some, self-touch implies masturbation in which the ultimate purpose is to have an orgasm...that's it...and yes, dear reader...I have had wonderful, self-stimulated orgasms...but self-touch is the exploration of one's body for pleasure that may or may NOT lead to an orgasm...the purpose is to slowly and methodically explore the body to learn about sensual pleasures and feelings... that may be used just for my satisfaction or to inform current and future lovers about areas and strokes that excite me. Now ask yourself, dear reader, who is really better prepared at exploring your body...someone who only sees you when it's time for a physical climax... or the owner of your body...YOU...the person who lives with that perfectly wonderful body each and every day... and the one knows your body's most intimate workings?

It is my hope that through tantra, I can make connections with my total self....and that I can share with my partners and lovers new ways to stimulate my mind, body and soul...as we enjoy our fabulous journey through our lives as polyamorous adults, dear reader...

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta PolyNewbie


 

All Shapes and Sizes...

Recently, I received an email from "M", a poly-friend, telling me that I may get an email from someone interested in receiving articles from within the polyamory community. Of course, I thanked her and silently wished for that opportunity to share my views with a larger group of people, but deep inside I knew that the request would never come."Why, not?", you ask, dear reader? The answer lies in the many different types of polyamorous relationships that exist.

On one end of the spectrum, there are poly-families, like the triad PBMJ (mentioned in previous posts). While my friend "M" sees her life as plain, uneventful or just down right mundane, others see it as a break from the norm. Those outside of polyamory crave insight into a real poly-family that's not a made for TV movie or a new hit reality show. Simple and loving relationships that mirror monogamous ones, in all but the number of partners, have a tendency to garner further inquiry, while simultaneously putting curious minds a little more at ease. Those are the types of relationships that sell papers and would bring a larger following with the family-oriented set.

Conversely, you have ME...dear reader! A single female with two unconnected partners (seriously looking for a third), no children and no signs of co-habitation insight (Thank God!) Heck, to those outside of my relationships, it seems that I am "just dating" (LOL). However, we know that it is MUCH more to it than that shallow phrase...dear readers...so much more...and there in lies the main difference.

While my stories and thoughts may never get any futher than this blog, I grow everyday in my appreciation for being a polyamorous woman. I enjoy sharing my thoughts with people who shall remain anonymous to me...hoping that you gain knowledge about the ups and downs of being a single polyamorous female...one who freely choose partners based on the quality of love, acceptance, understanding, honesty and appreciation...that meets MY needs and not those dictated by any part of society...dear reader.

Luckily for those within the poly-community, we know that it takes all kinds of relationships to make this world a more loving and interesting place...mine is just one in a million.

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta PolyNewbie


 

Attended My 1st Poly-Potluck Meeting (OR Being a Fly on the Wall)

I was actually torn between going to Atlanta Polyamory's Annual Potluck and Members meeting. I simply am NOT the most social of beings and have a tendency to detach from others during parties and gatherings...It's not that I purposefully intend to do this...as an introvert, I find chitchat or small talk a waste of time and slightly painful in large groups...where you will never ever see certain people again. It seems like a huge waste of energy (...but know that I can definitely handle one-on-one or a small group where we BOTH may get a little "something" out of it.) HOWEVER...dear reader...today was different. Today was more like becoming part of a larger family.

Even though I arrived late, I was welcomed into the group by the female member ("M") of PBMJ...a poly-trio.  She was wonderfully supportive and stayed close by ... ensuring that I did not blend into the woodwork...lol...

Today, I got a rare insight into the elections of Atlanta Polyamory and learned that while the group consists of about 500...or so registered members...only a little more than 30 showed up for this members' meeting. I actually thought that 30 people...and several little ones playing around the room...was a good number, until I learned that past meetings were attended by double the members!?!
Now how in the world can an organization grow...dear reader...if a good portion of the members fail to participate?

At the meeting, I learned that you do not have to live in Atlanta or the STATE...for that matter...to be a member of the board...just interested in helping the organization and the polyamory movement to grow. I really wanted to join...dear reader, but you know that getting paid only ONCE a month leaves "more month than money" in any given month...lol. I also learned about numerous volunteer opportunities within the organization and it is my goal to participate in such capacity...next year (2013). Perhaps, I will begin at the upcoming Atlanta Poly-Conference...which would give me wonderful insight into the larger poly-community...and keep me from lost within myself...dear reader.

Through the dedication of those board of directors and current officers present, new officers were installed...YEA! This means that GREAT leadership will continue and another year of poly-meet ups, advocacy opportunities and overall positive community involvement with happen in Atlanta's poly-community. But know...dear reader...that the work is only beginning for us poly-peeps. In order to share our NEW mission statement with the greater community, polyamory lovers from around Atlanta and the S.E. will have to pull together...to work together to get our positive message of multi-loves and acceptance out into the general populace. It may even mean "outting" myself and becoming a more visible member of the poly-community. I think that I am mentally preparing myself for that challenge. What about YOU, dear reader?

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta Poly-Newbie

Perspectives: Poly and Single?

I know that being "poly and single" sounds like an oxymoronic thought, but it is a fact of life for many of us. When I finally realized that I was polyamorous, I thought that once I began going to meetings and talking with like-minded people, my life would change...that it would...somehow...get BETTER? What I have actually realized was that once the gatherings are over and the events are done, everyone resumes their own lives..until the next planned happening. Well...what transpires in the lives of poly-singles in between those times, dear reader? 

For this poly-single...I have intimate partners, but for the majority of my waking days...and nights for that matter...I am officially single! As a single poly-newbie, finding my identity within the community became a major part of my life. I became a little consumed by the new experiences...by the thrill of seeking and finding open love. However...just recently, I STOPPPED. Yes, that's right...dear reader...I simply stopped. I canceled scheduled poly-meetings, stopped blogging and simply took a look at myself.

At this time in my life, I felt the need to reflect on my ever-changing needs because before I embraced polyamory, I had a rather satisfying life. This realization reminded me that polyamory was only a PART of who I am and not ALL of who I am. It was important for me to keep doing what made me happy before I joined this community of open-minded people... to keep living...to keep growing as a loving and unique soul. For me, that means staying connected through text messages or phone calls with intimate partners...and going to poly-meetings, BUT it also means continuing my guitar lessons...because playing is a relaxing outlet for me...or continuing to learn Spanish... because it draws me culturally closer to my students...or finding time to write...especially to you...dear reader...about life's mundane and exciting moments, as a poly-newbie.

So, my final word on being poly and single is that it is NOT an oxymoron! I can be a rather wonderful adventure...IF we (poly-singles) also seek fulfillment in other aspects of our lives, by simply continuing to be ourselves...and embracing situations as they present themselves.We can bring the full glory of ourselves to any poly-union, as we allow those wonderfully fulfilling and intimate poly-relationships to become a positive extension of who we are...dear reader.

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta Poly-Newbie








 

Intimate Behaviors

Recently, I decided to conduct my own succinct and informal research into intimacy and intimate relationships, as a direct result of being with my primary partner of 12 years. In my primary relationship, sex was only involved for the first 7 of our 12 years together. Did I hear you ask...what happened during the other 5 years...dear reader? Well, as it turns out...intimacy happened.

...ok...here's my abridged story, dear reader...about 5 years ago...my partner's desire for sex wained to about a couple of times per month...while I swear mine INCREASED to five times per week (ok...I lied...it's actually about seven times/per week...but who's counting :)). For the first couple of years, I thought that it was just a phase and didn't want to "push" the issue. However, as we entered our 5th year without sex...my mind started racing and I found that my fingers and hands were working overtime...trying to satisfy my basic sexual needs. It wasn't until I had a talk with my secondary partner that I realize that while sex was no longer a part of my primary relationship...that it was still a viable intimate relationship...WHEW!

So, my primary partner's decision caused me to take a deeper look at intimacy. I started with the basic meaning of the word. One Internet dictionary definition defines intimacy as a close, familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group [of people]. There was no mention of sexual intercourse anywhere in the meaning of the word...that was just something that was connected in my own thoughts, dear reader...and probably deeply embedded in the thoughts of many others, like me.

As I think about intimacy, children often give it to parents and vice versa...best friends give it willingly...as well as co-workers. All of those examples are varying degrees of intimacy. So, dear reader, I wondered how could I add more intimate relationships into my poly-lifestyle. Then, I received an email from a poly-friend inviting me to a bootleg version of a "Cuddle Party". Well...since that name is trademarked...I suggested that we call it a "Snuggles and Smiles" event...so that we don't get hassled by the "cuddle" people... :)

[Currently, plans are in the works for an S & S event. However, I will definitely tell you about it after it happens...dear reader.]

Snuggling with other poly-people sounds like a FABULOUS way to meet new intimate friends without the burden of thinking about or expecting sex to enter into the picture. In fact, the last time that I connected with my significant others...it was a "snuggle up"! We spooned each other all night long...sometimes, I was in the back of the threesome (spooning)...other times, I was in the front (being spooned). In either position, it was delightful and comforting to be caressed and snuggled without the expectations of sexual intercourse.

Fortunately, for us open-minded people...we can find new ways to express our intimate selves and explore deeper connections in our poly-lives...dear reader.

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta Polynewbie



 

Sexual Health...Genital Herpes

Recently, I came across a blog that disturbed me to my polyamorous core, dear reader. I found out that there is someone among sexually active adults who has genital herpes (HSV-2) AND is not informing his intimate partners. While it just may be a ploy to get readers to really think about genital herpes, it really pissed me off. He writes under the name of Mr. Douchebag and shared that "I usually “forget” to mention it when I get intimate with a new partner". That’s a load of bull$%!# people. Though genital herpes is not life-threatening, it can affect the sexual health of others and the fact that someone has HSV-2 should be shared. No person(s) should have the power to take away another person’s right to know and to make personal choices, especially when it involves matters of physical, sexual health…dear reader.

When people learn that they have HSV-2 (genital herpes), I believe that they should share it with their intimate partner(s)…immediately…no IFs, ANDs or BUTs about it! To those who are polyamorous with HSV-2…IF you truly love your partner(s), then tell them BECAUSE you love them…IF you don't love them, then tell them because it’s the respectable and honorable thing to do.

Now, keep in mind…dear reader…that Douchebag is only ONE (fictitious) person. Research shows that 80% of those with HSV-2 are not aware that they even have it! Our first line of defense against acquiring or spreading this virus must be KNOWLEDGE... people. So, IF you know about your status…share it. IF you don’t know your Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) status…find out through a simple blood test, by your doctor. Whatever you do, PLEASE don’t become that “someone with HSV-2" who fails to act responsibly, dear reader.

Polyamorousy Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta PolyNewbie