Attended My 1st Poly-Potluck Meeting (OR Being a Fly on the Wall)

I was actually torn between going to Atlanta Polyamory's Annual Potluck and Members meeting. I simply am NOT the most social of beings and have a tendency to detach from others during parties and gatherings...It's not that I purposefully intend to do this...as an introvert, I find chitchat or small talk a waste of time and slightly painful in large groups...where you will never ever see certain people again. It seems like a huge waste of energy (...but know that I can definitely handle one-on-one or a small group where we BOTH may get a little "something" out of it.) HOWEVER...dear reader...today was different. Today was more like becoming part of a larger family.

Even though I arrived late, I was welcomed into the group by the female member ("M") of PBMJ...a poly-trio.  She was wonderfully supportive and stayed close by ... ensuring that I did not blend into the woodwork...lol...

Today, I got a rare insight into the elections of Atlanta Polyamory and learned that while the group consists of about 500...or so registered members...only a little more than 30 showed up for this members' meeting. I actually thought that 30 people...and several little ones playing around the room...was a good number, until I learned that past meetings were attended by double the members!?!
Now how in the world can an organization grow...dear reader...if a good portion of the members fail to participate?

At the meeting, I learned that you do not have to live in Atlanta or the STATE...for that matter...to be a member of the board...just interested in helping the organization and the polyamory movement to grow. I really wanted to join...dear reader, but you know that getting paid only ONCE a month leaves "more month than money" in any given month...lol. I also learned about numerous volunteer opportunities within the organization and it is my goal to participate in such capacity...next year (2013). Perhaps, I will begin at the upcoming Atlanta Poly-Conference...which would give me wonderful insight into the larger poly-community...and keep me from lost within myself...dear reader.

Through the dedication of those board of directors and current officers present, new officers were installed...YEA! This means that GREAT leadership will continue and another year of poly-meet ups, advocacy opportunities and overall positive community involvement with happen in Atlanta's poly-community. But know...dear reader...that the work is only beginning for us poly-peeps. In order to share our NEW mission statement with the greater community, polyamory lovers from around Atlanta and the S.E. will have to pull together...to work together to get our positive message of multi-loves and acceptance out into the general populace. It may even mean "outting" myself and becoming a more visible member of the poly-community. I think that I am mentally preparing myself for that challenge. What about YOU, dear reader?

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta Poly-Newbie

Perspectives: Poly and Single?

I know that being "poly and single" sounds like an oxymoronic thought, but it is a fact of life for many of us. When I finally realized that I was polyamorous, I thought that once I began going to meetings and talking with like-minded people, my life would change...that it would...somehow...get BETTER? What I have actually realized was that once the gatherings are over and the events are done, everyone resumes their own lives..until the next planned happening. Well...what transpires in the lives of poly-singles in between those times, dear reader? 

For this poly-single...I have intimate partners, but for the majority of my waking days...and nights for that matter...I am officially single! As a single poly-newbie, finding my identity within the community became a major part of my life. I became a little consumed by the new experiences...by the thrill of seeking and finding open love. However...just recently, I STOPPPED. Yes, that's right...dear reader...I simply stopped. I canceled scheduled poly-meetings, stopped blogging and simply took a look at myself.

At this time in my life, I felt the need to reflect on my ever-changing needs because before I embraced polyamory, I had a rather satisfying life. This realization reminded me that polyamory was only a PART of who I am and not ALL of who I am. It was important for me to keep doing what made me happy before I joined this community of open-minded people... to keep living...to keep growing as a loving and unique soul. For me, that means staying connected through text messages or phone calls with intimate partners...and going to poly-meetings, BUT it also means continuing my guitar lessons...because playing is a relaxing outlet for me...or continuing to learn Spanish... because it draws me culturally closer to my students...or finding time to write...especially to you...dear reader...about life's mundane and exciting moments, as a poly-newbie.

So, my final word on being poly and single is that it is NOT an oxymoron! I can be a rather wonderful adventure...IF we (poly-singles) also seek fulfillment in other aspects of our lives, by simply continuing to be ourselves...and embracing situations as they present themselves.We can bring the full glory of ourselves to any poly-union, as we allow those wonderfully fulfilling and intimate poly-relationships to become a positive extension of who we are...dear reader.

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta Poly-Newbie








 

Intimate Behaviors

Recently, I decided to conduct my own succinct and informal research into intimacy and intimate relationships, as a direct result of being with my primary partner of 12 years. In my primary relationship, sex was only involved for the first 7 of our 12 years together. Did I hear you ask...what happened during the other 5 years...dear reader? Well, as it turns out...intimacy happened.

...ok...here's my abridged story, dear reader...about 5 years ago...my partner's desire for sex wained to about a couple of times per month...while I swear mine INCREASED to five times per week (ok...I lied...it's actually about seven times/per week...but who's counting :)). For the first couple of years, I thought that it was just a phase and didn't want to "push" the issue. However, as we entered our 5th year without sex...my mind started racing and I found that my fingers and hands were working overtime...trying to satisfy my basic sexual needs. It wasn't until I had a talk with my secondary partner that I realize that while sex was no longer a part of my primary relationship...that it was still a viable intimate relationship...WHEW!

So, my primary partner's decision caused me to take a deeper look at intimacy. I started with the basic meaning of the word. One Internet dictionary definition defines intimacy as a close, familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group [of people]. There was no mention of sexual intercourse anywhere in the meaning of the word...that was just something that was connected in my own thoughts, dear reader...and probably deeply embedded in the thoughts of many others, like me.

As I think about intimacy, children often give it to parents and vice versa...best friends give it willingly...as well as co-workers. All of those examples are varying degrees of intimacy. So, dear reader, I wondered how could I add more intimate relationships into my poly-lifestyle. Then, I received an email from a poly-friend inviting me to a bootleg version of a "Cuddle Party". Well...since that name is trademarked...I suggested that we call it a "Snuggles and Smiles" event...so that we don't get hassled by the "cuddle" people... :)

[Currently, plans are in the works for an S & S event. However, I will definitely tell you about it after it happens...dear reader.]

Snuggling with other poly-people sounds like a FABULOUS way to meet new intimate friends without the burden of thinking about or expecting sex to enter into the picture. In fact, the last time that I connected with my significant others...it was a "snuggle up"! We spooned each other all night long...sometimes, I was in the back of the threesome (spooning)...other times, I was in the front (being spooned). In either position, it was delightful and comforting to be caressed and snuggled without the expectations of sexual intercourse.

Fortunately, for us open-minded people...we can find new ways to express our intimate selves and explore deeper connections in our poly-lives...dear reader.

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta Polynewbie



 

Sexual Health...Genital Herpes

Recently, I came across a blog that disturbed me to my polyamorous core, dear reader. I found out that there is someone among sexually active adults who has genital herpes (HSV-2) AND is not informing his intimate partners. While it just may be a ploy to get readers to really think about genital herpes, it really pissed me off. He writes under the name of Mr. Douchebag and shared that "I usually “forget” to mention it when I get intimate with a new partner". That’s a load of bull$%!# people. Though genital herpes is not life-threatening, it can affect the sexual health of others and the fact that someone has HSV-2 should be shared. No person(s) should have the power to take away another person’s right to know and to make personal choices, especially when it involves matters of physical, sexual health…dear reader.

When people learn that they have HSV-2 (genital herpes), I believe that they should share it with their intimate partner(s)…immediately…no IFs, ANDs or BUTs about it! To those who are polyamorous with HSV-2…IF you truly love your partner(s), then tell them BECAUSE you love them…IF you don't love them, then tell them because it’s the respectable and honorable thing to do.

Now, keep in mind…dear reader…that Douchebag is only ONE (fictitious) person. Research shows that 80% of those with HSV-2 are not aware that they even have it! Our first line of defense against acquiring or spreading this virus must be KNOWLEDGE... people. So, IF you know about your status…share it. IF you don’t know your Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) status…find out through a simple blood test, by your doctor. Whatever you do, PLEASE don’t become that “someone with HSV-2" who fails to act responsibly, dear reader.

Polyamorousy Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta PolyNewbie

Through the Eyes of Children

After Saturday's Atlanta Poly-Southside Meet up, I couldn't help but think how the world would be viewed through the eyes of a child with polyamorous parents. Let's see...we could probably begin with multiple people who often model loving relationships and interactions...whether its Male-Female-Male...Female-Male-Female...the configuration really doesn't matter, dear reader. What would matter is the amount of quality time and love that a child of poly-parents would receive.

In listening to the triad from our Atlanta Polyamory Inc.'s Southside meet-up...who called themselves PBMJ...their children were the center of their lives who simply had to feel the sheer power of three. Think about this, dear reader...with three or more parents, it stands to reason that one of the parents will always be available to meet the needs of a child. At school functions, when most people have a couple of people showing up for events, a child with poly-parents could have all of their parent show up...with cell phone cameras in hand...to document it from multiple perspectives. With multiple parents in a household, you have various strengths that support the weaknesses of the others...so it would be easy to go to Mom for Math, Dad for creative writing and still another Dad for fun adventures...away from books and traditional learning. Also, chances are that when one parent is exhausted, the other two are ready, willing and able to pick up the slack. With the positives behind having a poly-family...many of which are still unknown to me...it seems that more people would begin to support polyamorous unions and families. Only time will tell, dear reader....

(Note...Now, I am not saying that poly-parents do not have issues...as PBMJ pointed out...but it stands to reason that while they have more to gain by being together...they also have more to lose by not finding ways to solve common problems...BECAUSE their children are involved...just like with monogamous parents.)

Among my hopes for the future...I pray that our poliwogs will thrive...and from their interactions in our society, they will become the voices of the movement or at the very least convey their experiences as a polyamory-insider. In actuality, the children of polyamorous adults could become the living, breathing and positive proof that such unions can benefit society, as a whole...as the images of the American family continue to change, dear reader...

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta PolyNewbie

The Heart of It All

Remember the old game show, Name That Tune, with Kathy Lee Johnson (later Kathy Lee Gifford)?  "I can name that tune in one note!", many contestants would boast...well, dear reader, I can describe Saturday's polyamory meeting with one word...INFORMATIVE!

Donned in jeans and a t-shirt from Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., I ventured to the Atlanta Bread Company in Fayetteville. Trying to arrive a little late...so as to not look too anxious...I arrived on time (darn it) ...only to find that the other attendees were already there. Once again, upon entering the restaurant, I really had no clue as to how to ask for the "polyamory group"...so when my eyes connected with the first table of folks...I simply inquired outright...and guess what...Time didn't stand still and others in the restaurant could not have cared less. Immediately, I was greated by two males and three females...complete with adorable children...after all, dear reader, Atlanta Polyamory Inc. does offer family-friendly meet-ups.

As our small group enjoyed the wonderfully tasty fare, our conversation turned to the academic achievements of the youngest, interested group member...who was about eight years old [the other two children moved away from the group, so that they could have their own kids' space :) ] Turns out, our littlest table mate was a rather high-achieving elementary student with a vocabulary and knowledge set that impressed even this educator. As both males took part in sharing about the child's education, I quickly inquired about the dynamics of this group. It turned out that I was talking to the co-founders of Atlanta Polyamory Meetup who were in a Male-Female-Male trio and raising children together. What a wonderful surprise!

Between bites of salads and sandwiches...slurps of soup...and sips of beverages, I was able to watch video snippets from the past 2012 PRIDE Parade ....filled with unexpected insight into the back story of Atlanta Polyamory's participation in this event. Lucky for me, our conversations ran the gamut...from the Atlanta Poly-conference in March 2013 to the need for advocacy in our poly-community. We discussed partnership laws to health care insurance for poly-unions as thriving financial units to court cases (past and current) that are affecting the ever-changing national landscape. Now, this type of dialogue is what I have been craving, since my first meet up. The dissemination of correct and appropriate information should be at the heart of the local, state and national polyamory movement. It is through the sharing of information and actions by concerned members that the positive attributes about polyamorous relationships can be shared with others.

While it would have been really nice to have a few more people in attendance to support our Southside meet-up group, it was wonderful to be the only polynewbie in a group filled with so many knowledgeable people. But rest assured, dear reader, that once word gets out that this is THE premiere meet-up event for poly-awareness, I expect our little southside group to grow by leaps and bounds, each month.

Polyamorously Yours,

Cindy
Atlanta PolyNewbie

The Gathering...Poly-style

About a month ago, I attended my first poly-meet up at a Greek bar north of Atlanta. It took about an hour of blind-driving (i.e. directions from Map Quest...yeah...no smart phone here...) to find Nick's Bar and Grill. It was an odd little spot that seemed a little backwards. As soon as I walked in the restaurant...BOOM...a meeting room filled with couples and singles...all sitting around a family-styled table. It looked more like a family reunion than a poly-meet up. I found myself stumbling over my words...trying to find the right ones to ask for a group of people getting together to talk about intimate relations with multiple partners...but I managed to get it out. Boy was I happy that I hadn't just crashed someone's private celebration, dear reader!

I was quickly introduced to everyone in the room and attached many names with online handles. Everyone was cordial, but I could tell that they were familiar with each other from past meetings and I really felt like the true poly-newbie. There was a fellow Southsider in the room who described himself as shy...ummmm...that was actually an understatement (smile if your are reading this "G"). Noticing that he really was much more bashful than he admitted to being online, I moved and sat next to him. After engaging him in conversation and listening in on other table chats, I realized that this group appeared to be a tough one to crack. The talk ranged from discussions about careers to a recent law graduate's thoughts about certain Supreme Court justices and their decisions...to only God knows what down on the other end of the table. By this time, I was a little confused...yeah, I know that there is more to talk about in polyamory than how to get hooked up, but there was little to no conversations...at all...about the elephant in the room...POLYAMORY!

So, I started wondering...just how would you get that topic of conversation introduced? No sooner had that thought flashed across my mind when fresh faces arrived...whew...saved by the poly-cavalry. Among them was a rather friendly trio who sat down near my end of the table...to my delight...and just so happen they were African-American...like me...and new to this group...just like me. For a few more minutes, I continued to listen to the thoughts of the law graduate...and longing for the conversation to quickly change to something WAY more interesting...when I heard the newbies ask lifestyle questions...real questions about polyamory...so I moved, again...closer to the action.

Soon, this trio...female/male/female...was sharing the intimate details of their relationships. I learned that they were a love triad...who stumbled upon polyamory and were still looking for answers to their many questions. Like me, they had experienced swinging, but were more interested in establishing lasting relationships...friendships. NOW, things were getting interesting. They shared that their adventure started out as a wife-swap that went awry. Awry in the sense that one set of swappers got along extremely well (and still are intimate partners), while the other set didn't hit it off at all...which left the male in this trio looking for another significant other. The second female in the group was the recent addition (to both the lifestyle and to the area) and the love interest of the male...whew! Now the second female, which I will simply call CeeCee, was a pretty interesting character who I found out was interested in finding an ANR (adult nursing relationship) or erotic lactation partner. Now, ANR was a totally new concept for me people and would probably be considered more a sub-sexual culture of erotica than polyamory...but it stands to reason that through poly-relationships, she would be exposed (pun intended) to more willing partners...I'm just sayin'... :)

This little group...at my end of the table...seemed to be in full swing to my delight! We were joined at various times by others...who would briefly share their poly-stories...then move on to another group. This discussion style continued for the remainder of the night. As conversations came and went, I learned about many interesting things and events (which I shall share with you in future posts, dear reader).

What seemed like more of a miss than a hit...in the beginning...really turned into a rather informative, discussion session that had me longing for my next poly meet-up...which will be this Saturday on the Southside of Atlanta...so stay tuned, for (hopefully) many more stimulating discoveries... dear reader...

Polyamorously Yours,

Atlanta PolyNewbie