Recently, I decided to conduct my own succinct and informal research into intimacy and intimate relationships, as a direct result of being with my primary partner of 12 years. In my primary relationship, sex was only involved for the first 7 of our 12 years together. Did I hear you ask...what happened during the other 5 years...dear reader? Well, as it turns out...intimacy happened.
...ok...here's my abridged story, dear reader...about 5 years ago...my partner's desire for sex wained to about a couple of times per month...while I swear mine INCREASED to five times per week (ok...I lied...it's actually about seven times/per week...but who's counting :)). For the first couple of years, I thought that it was just a phase and didn't want to "push" the issue. However, as we entered our 5th year without sex...my mind started racing and I found that my fingers and hands were working overtime...trying to satisfy my basic sexual needs. It wasn't until I had a talk with my secondary partner that I realize that while sex was no longer a part of my primary relationship...that it was still a viable intimate relationship...WHEW!
So, my primary partner's decision caused me to take a deeper look at intimacy. I started with the basic meaning of the word. One Internet dictionary definition defines intimacy as a close, familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group [of people]. There was no mention of sexual intercourse anywhere in the meaning of the word...that was just something that was connected in my own thoughts, dear reader...and probably deeply embedded in the thoughts of many others, like me.
As I think about intimacy, children often give it to parents and vice versa...best friends give it willingly...as well as co-workers. All of those examples are varying degrees of intimacy. So, dear reader, I wondered how could I add more intimate relationships into my poly-lifestyle. Then, I received an email from a poly-friend inviting me to a bootleg version of a "Cuddle Party". Well...since that name is trademarked...I suggested that we call it a "Snuggles and Smiles" event...so that we don't get hassled by the "cuddle" people... :)
[Currently, plans are in the works for an S & S event. However, I will definitely tell you about it after it happens...dear reader.]
Snuggling with other poly-people sounds like a FABULOUS way to meet new intimate friends without the burden of thinking about or expecting sex to enter into the picture. In fact, the last time that I connected with my significant others...it was a "snuggle up"! We spooned each other all night long...sometimes, I was in the back of the threesome (spooning)...other times, I was in the front (being spooned). In either position, it was delightful and comforting to be caressed and snuggled without the expectations of sexual intercourse.
Fortunately, for us open-minded people...we can find new ways to express our intimate selves and explore deeper connections in our poly-lives...dear reader.
Polyamorously Yours,
Cindy
Atlanta Polynewbie
...ok...here's my abridged story, dear reader...about 5 years ago...my partner's desire for sex wained to about a couple of times per month...while I swear mine INCREASED to five times per week (ok...I lied...it's actually about seven times/per week...but who's counting :)). For the first couple of years, I thought that it was just a phase and didn't want to "push" the issue. However, as we entered our 5th year without sex...my mind started racing and I found that my fingers and hands were working overtime...trying to satisfy my basic sexual needs. It wasn't until I had a talk with my secondary partner that I realize that while sex was no longer a part of my primary relationship...that it was still a viable intimate relationship...WHEW!
So, my primary partner's decision caused me to take a deeper look at intimacy. I started with the basic meaning of the word. One Internet dictionary definition defines intimacy as a close, familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group [of people]. There was no mention of sexual intercourse anywhere in the meaning of the word...that was just something that was connected in my own thoughts, dear reader...and probably deeply embedded in the thoughts of many others, like me.
As I think about intimacy, children often give it to parents and vice versa...best friends give it willingly...as well as co-workers. All of those examples are varying degrees of intimacy. So, dear reader, I wondered how could I add more intimate relationships into my poly-lifestyle. Then, I received an email from a poly-friend inviting me to a bootleg version of a "Cuddle Party". Well...since that name is trademarked...I suggested that we call it a "Snuggles and Smiles" event...so that we don't get hassled by the "cuddle" people... :)
[Currently, plans are in the works for an S & S event. However, I will definitely tell you about it after it happens...dear reader.]
Snuggling with other poly-people sounds like a FABULOUS way to meet new intimate friends without the burden of thinking about or expecting sex to enter into the picture. In fact, the last time that I connected with my significant others...it was a "snuggle up"! We spooned each other all night long...sometimes, I was in the back of the threesome (spooning)...other times, I was in the front (being spooned). In either position, it was delightful and comforting to be caressed and snuggled without the expectations of sexual intercourse.
Fortunately, for us open-minded people...we can find new ways to express our intimate selves and explore deeper connections in our poly-lives...dear reader.
Polyamorously Yours,
Cindy
Atlanta Polynewbie
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