Since I was eighteen, I have pretty much known that marriage was not my calling. However, despite my inner voice, I got married anyway...call it pressure from society...or from family...I simply called it crazy. Some people are natural parents, husbands, and wives...and some of us are destined to pray from them and support them the best way that we can...with love.
In the four decades of my life, I have loved...lost loves and left loves...but one thing remained steadfast...I have always known my place in those relationships. I have had numerous wonderful extra-marital relationships that worked out well from me and for him. I even think that BECAUSE of those relationships, the marriages were able to survive and perhaps even thrive. Divorce was never discussed or desired...mutual satisfaction was all that was given and expected.
It seemed that I was blessed to be the ever-elusive secondary partner...While there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being married or with being a primary partner...it's just NOT FOR ME. Even in the primary relationship that I have maintained for almost 12 years...distance in the form of a two and half hour drive keeps our relationship fresh and alive. If...oops...when that changes and my primary partner moves closer...then we will have to re-establish the ground rules, so that we can keep our mutual love and our wonderful relationship in tact.
On the other hand, in my secondary relationships, I am keenly aware of my role. As a secondary lover, my ideal goal is to please and be pleased...to love and be love...to support and be supported...nothing more and definitely nothing less...
So, dear reader, if I had to give words of advice to new polyamorous friends who are trying to identify their places within relationships, I would stress that they know the type of relationships in which they are embarking.... that they are aware of their true needs and desires...and make sure that their desires (and those of their partners) were always satisfied.
Rest assured by following these simple suggestions, dear reader, we can all have satisfying and loving experiences, as we stay true to ourselves.
Polyamorously Yours,
Atlanta PolyNewbie
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